Archive for March, 2013


Last Days by Adam Nevill

last days Last Days by Adam Nevill

Published February 26th, 2013 by St. Martin’s Press

Cover and synopsis provided by the publisher.

 

Buy this book at: Book Depository / Books A Million / Amazon / B&N

 

Synopsis:

Indie filmmaker Kyle Freeman is hired to create a documentary about The Temple of the Last Days—a notorious cult that met its chilling end in an Arizona desert back in 1975. As he travels to the cult’s birthplaces in London and France, and its infamous demise in the United States, a series of uncanny events plague all his shoots: out-of-body experiences, visits in the night, ghastly artifacts appearing in their rooms each evening, and the deaths of their interviewees.

What exactly it is the cult managed to awaken – and what is its interest in Kyle Freeman?

 

Rating: 1 star

 

Review:

There is only one way to put this.  This book sucked.  It sucked to high heaven.  It bored me nearly to death with every page.  I honestly wondered if all of the good reviews were paid to say nice things about this crappy tome.  Even as I write this, I think that might still be the case.  With all that said, here are my issues with this crappy thing.

The author has zero sense of pacing.  This book moved at a snail’s pace for chapter upon chapter and then suddenly all kinds of things started to happen in the last quarter of it.  The idea of this book is a good one, a filmmaker is hired to do a documentary about a cult from the seventies that committed mass suicide/murder and manages to stumble into paranormal activity that targets him.  That sounds like it should be good right?  It’s not.  In every single city or location the characters visit the exact same things happen.  Every person the characters interviewed said exactly the same thing.    Approximately 300 pages was a repeat of what happened in the first 100 pages. I was bored to tears.

The author’s descriptions were annoying and confusing.  I didn’t understand what was going on most of the time.  As an example, the author described the room in which the last scene takes place for 2 whole pages.  The picture of it was fully formed in my head and it was a great description!  But then all of a sudden he starts talking about a “large plastic tent” in the middle of the room that had never been mentioned before.  Then just a few paragraphs later it’s described as a “plastic cube” that is solid enough that it requires beating it and shooting at it to dismantle it.  But, I thought it was a tent?  And why wasn’t this included in the initial room description if it’s so important?  If it was a tent then why was it so hard to puncture?  By the time I got to this question I had been pulled completely out of the story and just didn’t give a crap anymore.  This happened so often that I was regularly confused and thought I had skipped over something accidentally.  So I would go back and re-read that part and realize, no I hadn’t skipped over it, it was never addressed.

Most stereotypical American characters ever!  Let’s see, there was the sheriff who was a complete hillbilly.  Cowboy hat and boots, spoke with a drawl, kept saying things like “ya’ll” and “ain’t”, could have walked right out of a western…but he’s from Arizona.  Yeah, it confused me too.  Or Jed, the gun toting, muscle bound Jesus freak who thinks he’s on a mission for God, is unstable and keeps pointing guns at his own friends.  I mean, really?  All we needed was an overweight, outspoken black woman and the stereotypes would have been a complete collection!  It was ridiculous.

Kyle was supremely unlikable.  He spent most of the book mentally belittling and mocking the people he was interviewing for believing in this paranormal stuff.  Then he went on to experience the paranormal stuff himself and freaked out, running around and screaming at everyone else to figure out a way to protect him.  Shut up dirtbag!  Nobody likes you!  Just die already and quit your whining.  I hated this guy so much.

I was very disappointed that I hated the book this much.  I heard this author compared to my favorite author, Scott Sigler, and was excited to see if that comparison held true.  It most certainly does not!  This author has no sense of pacing, storytelling, or character building.  I can’t, in good conscience recommend this book to anyone, it was awful.

Advertisements

RIP Language of English

I can’t take it anymore and I am going to blog in anger about it. I could be doing a review right now, but I’m too annoyed.  The poor English language has endured so much abuse in the last several generations.  What the hell is happening to our society?  We’re turning into a bunch of illiterate morons who survive on constant entertainment and have an overly inflated sense of our own importance.   We have kids graduating from high school without being proficient in basic level math.  The US is one of the most wealthy and industrious nations to ever exist in the history of mankind, yet our children are stupider then some third world countries.  And still our kids believe that they are the most special and amazing little snowflakes on earth because….well, because they exist!  America, our stupidity is showing, and it irks me the most when it comes to proper language and grammar.  Here are my complaints:

1. Text speak.  What the fuck is wrong with you that you can’t type in complete words?  And don’t give me that bullshit excuse about how you need to preserve space because texts cost money.  If you haven’t discovered unlimited text packages by now then there’s no hope for you.  I refuse to converse with people who use terms like “gud” and “lke” and “h8”.  It makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.  Now, I will be the first to admit that I tend to use internet acronyms and slang on occasion, but not when I want to actually appear to be an intelligent individual.

2. I hereby ban the word “basically” from the English language forever.  It means nothing in the context that it is used 99% of the time. If I have to hear “well basically….” before an explanation one more time I will shed someone’s blood!  What does it even mean!?  NOTHING!!  My breaking point was seeing it on the news.  A witness to a horrific crime was explaining what he saw and started it with, “well, you know, basically…” I wanted to scream at my television as I felt my IQ dip.  NO MORE BASICALLY!!  It means nothing!!  I even get angry at myself when I catch myself doing it.

3. I also hereby ban the word “like” from ever being used when not making a legitimate comparison statement.  Tell me folks, how many of these conversations have you heard?  “And then I was like, you know whatever.  And he was like, yeah.  And I was like no, that’s ridiculous.  And then it was like, oh my God!”  I would give anything to temporarily lose my hearing when I hear one of those.  It hurts my soul.

4. Stop using the word “whenever”.  The “ever” is unnecessary.  “When” is perfectly descriptive for what you are trying to convey.  Tell me, how does this make anybody sound intelligent?  A news anchor saying, “Whenever they got sentenced, the judge was exceptionally harsh considering the circumstances.”  I swear to God, I actually heard that!  Whenever they got sentenced?  Why is “when they were sentenced” not good enough?  Do you have to make yourself sound idiotic?  The news?  Really?  Not even the news is literate anymore.

5. Stop using the word “literally” in ridiculous ways!  Again, my breaking was hearing something like this (every day, all the time, nonstop):  “That movie was so scary, I literally jumped out of my skin.”  Did you? Really? You literally jumped into the air and removed yourself from your skin?  Yeah, somehow I didn’t that you did!  So stop fucking using the word literally when you don’t mean it literally then!?  I have lost more than one friend for lashing out over this one and making smart ass comments about their word choices.

And I won’t even get started on the destruction of grammar right now, I’d be here the rest of the night.  For now, let us all work on these things and hopefully make ourselves seem a tiny bit more intelligent.  Please?  For the sake of all that is good and right in the world, stop abusing the English language.

Unholy Ghosts by Stacia Kane

unholy ghosts Unholy Ghosts by Stacia Kane

Published May 25th 2010 by Del Rey

Cover and synopsis from the Goodreads book page

Buy this book at: B&N/ AmazonBook Depository / Books A Million

 

Synopsis:

THE DEPARTED HAVE ARRIVED.

The world is not the way it was. The dead have risen, and the living are under attack. The powerful Church of Real Truth, in charge since the government fell, has sworn to reimburse citizens being harassed by the deceased. Enter Chess Putnam, a fully tattooed witch and freewheeling ghost hunter. She’s got a real talent for banishing the wicked dead. But Chess is keeping a dark secret: She owes a lot of money to a murderous drug lord named Bump, who wants immediate payback in the form of a dangerous job that involves black magic, human sacrifice, a nefarious demonic creature, and enough wicked energy to wipe out a city of souls. Toss in lust for a rival gang leader and a dangerous attraction to Bump’s ruthless enforcer, and Chess begins to wonder if the rush is really worth it. Hell, yeah.

 

Rating: 4 star

 

Review:

Anyone who has spent time in the online book reading community knows the name of Stacia Kane.  Normally her name is synonymous with a kickass author who just…well kicks ass!  At least that is what led me to buy this book.  I appreciated my interactions with her as a reader and so wanted to show some support.  Yet, still, I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to like this book for much of the first half.

Chess is awesome, let’s just say that right off the bat.  I loved her.  But then, if you read my other reviews you’ll see that I have a penchant for some seriously fucked up characters.  So that might explain my affection for her.  She is not a nice character.  She’s high most of her waking hours and something of a bitch for the remaining hours.  And that is exactly why I liked her so much.  She was gritty and real and I wanted to hear her backstory. And whoa, what a backstory it was.  No wonder she was high all the time, I would have been too.

The world was an interesting one too.  But I have to admit that I wasn’t overly pleased with the world building and felt like a lot was simply assumed.  I really hate it when an author assumes that I know what the hell they’re talking about, and Kane did that to a certain extent in this book.  But it wasn’t overly so, and so I could overlook it and enjoy the world building that we did get.  I liked the story that got Chess involved in the whole case and liked the pacing for how it unfolded.  My biggest complaint about this world was the slang.  It grated on my nerves and took me quite awhile to become accustomed to.  Eventually I found that it didn’t bother me so much, but at first I was ready to pull my hair out.  Along those same lines was my issue with the character’s names.  I can’t be all that terrified of a mobster drug dealer named Bump.  It makes me snort giggle just saying it.

But then there was Terrible.  Yes, that’s a name too….remember what I said about the names?  At first I wasn’t sure I was going to like him all that much but by the end *sigh*.   He’s a cutie and I was rooting for him in the love interest department.  A giant teddy bear who could also probably decapitate someone barehanded if he wished.  So attractive.

Oh, and the bad guy!  I admit, it surprised me.  I figured out the red herring pretty easily, or at least I prayed that it was a red herring and turned out to be accurate.  But I just didn’t suspect the real culprit. It never really crossed my mind and then when it happened I was dumbfounded.

I enjoyed this book a lot but it took awhile for me to get into it.  Once I hit the halfway point I was completely invested but before that it wasn’t looking too good.  I would suggest this book to fans of the genre, but people who are not Urban Fantasy fans might give up before the good parts.  For me, I will be reading the next one for sure.

 

beautiful bastardBeautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren

Published February 12th, 2013 by Gallery Books

Cover and synopsis provided by the publisher.

Buy this book at: Amazon/ Book Depository / B&N / Books A Million

Synopsis:

An ambitious intern. A perfectionist executive. And a whole lot of name calling. Discover the story that garnered more than two million reads online.

Whip-smart, hardworking, and on her way to an MBA, Chloe Mills has only one problem: her boss, Bennett Ryan. He’s exacting, blunt, inconsiderate—and completely irresistible. A Beautiful Bastard.

Bennett has returned to Chicago from France to take a vital role in his family’s massive media business. He never expected that the assistant who’d been helping him from abroad was the gorgeous, innocently provocative—completely infuriating—creature he now has to see every day. Despite the rumors, he’s never been one for a workplace hookup. But Chloe’s so tempting he’s willing to bend the rules—or outright smash them—if it means he can have her. All over the office.

As their appetites for one another increase to a breaking point, Bennett and Chloe must decide exactly what they’re willing to lose in order to win each other. Originally only available online as The Office by tby789—and garnering over two million reads on fan fiction sites—Beautiful Bastard has been extensively updated for re-release.

Rating: 1 star

Review:

This was one of the most pointless, asinine, and ridiculous books I’ve ever read in my life.  Luckily for all of us that means that this review will likely be short.  Most of the time in erotica, you get a story about why the main characters like each other enough that they want to have sex.  Not in this one.  Here, these two despise each other, yet still have sex at least once every ten pages.  This is just porn, pure and simple written porn.  It was a Twilight porn, and it is not suddenly better once the names have been changed.  There was no plot, there was no characterization.  Just two people who insult each other, screw each other,  fight some more, insult some more, have more sex….and repeat for 300 of the most boring pages in all of fiction.

These two characters were the most narcissistic human beings ever and all that happens is they have sex.  Then they fight and get pissy for absolutely no reason and then make up and have sex. Oh, and the panties hoarding thing is on the level of a rapist from Law & Order: SVU.  I shuddered every time he indulged that particular whim.  And then shuddered in greater horror when I realized we had to endure another sex scene.  Horrid book with no redeeming qualities.

No wait, it has one redeeming quality.  It announces right off the bat exactly what it is, a rewritten fan fiction.  At least it doesn’t try to hide it.